you gotta have a plan

planning, not my favorite past time, actually not a past time at all.... I've always been the one that just goes with the flow. recently though as of a year or so ago, i did start to become more organized with schedules and calanders. i had too, with three jobs, four kids, and a partrige in a pear tree....... Now i need my little red book before i schedule anything.... my mind isn't like it used to be.

today is "supposed " to be my last day on steroids. finished up this am. i kept my eating under control this time....... maybe it was the nausea caused by the antibiotics... maybe i have just been tired of being layed up for so long....... whatever the maybe is.......... I just don't have an appetite..... obviously, since my portions of food that i now eat have decreased dramaticly, i am thinking i should go with this and keep it up.

I miss my hiking, and i must be patient, don't want to screw this surgery up. BUT i am looking forward to doing Curves on thursday. I am soooooooooo out of shape, i don't remember being this out of shape, for two months i've almost been bed/chair ridden with my foot propped up on big pillows. and before that, with the cast, shots, ect.... my foot has been out of commission for it will be a year in March.......

i just started back to work as a nurse at the all boys prep school near me. yesterday was my first day.......and i must say.......it feels so good to be back, it feels like i am getting my life back.
i have to wear this big black boot/cast when i am on my foot for more than a couple of hours. Doc told me to actually listen to my foot........ didn't even know the damn thing talked. So i am trying to listen for pain and discomfort, or using it too much, or not using it enough.

I am finally starting to feel better from the lung/sinus /bronchial infection. I guess the steroids have helped...... i am taking mega doses of C and Zinc, and drinking alot of fluids and eating heatlhy to try to build up my suppressed immune system......

Planning, back to that...... if i am going to eat right, i am going to have to plan.... plan a grocery list, plan menus, make plans and prepare for events in my life.... i.e. parties, dinners out ect. there is No reason why i can't eat out....... Bill and i went out on friday...... i didn't feel like eating a meal, so i looked on the appetizer menu, and the side menu and made my own plate.... a crab cake (80% lump crab, 20% other ingredients) fresh tomato and mozarella salad, and steamed zuchini. i ate plenty, felt good, not bloated. didn't even disire dessert. and last week i when i went out.......i was hungry for dessert..... so i ordered a shrimp cocktail for my dinner, and then enjoyed 1/2 serving of a turtle cheese cake. Patti, is teaching me, and she didn't even know it.
Also, i am planning in advance the days i am going to curves....... and scheduling them just like an appointment... my work schedule is 2-7/8 evening shift 3 or 4 days a week so as soon as my youngest gets on the bus.........i'll go to curves at least 3 days a week. i will treat it just like an appointment.......and hopefully soon i'll be up on my mountain...... :) i doubt before Patti, Moni and Kim come.......but there are some nice flat trails i could be starting before then... we shall see.

That is my plan.......... it's not about starting fad diets, or fancy exercise programs.....its about living and making smart choices...... and finally freeing the spirit to soar, regardless of the body size.......... living life.....as it only comes around once........

the story of Melodys Journey

as promised, i'd like to talk about an experience i had reading about a person whom I've never met...... and the changes in my attitude because of this..... I've known for sometime about a young woman married to a son of a family where i used to go to church years ago. In early December i was told about her battle with Cancer, and told about her web page talking about her journey.... I put it in the back of my mind for about a month. Later i was told that Melody had lost her battle with cancer right after Christmas... So finally on Jan 3rd i decided to pull up her blog entry on Caringbridge.com And that is what i did. there was about a years worth of entries, she posted once or twice a week. ........And i began reading about this amazing woman, young (34) healthy a marathon runner who ended up getting Luekemia. She was so optomistic the whole journey. She was put on Chemo, and Radiation and everything else, She was given a bone marrow transplant. She seemed to spend more time in the hospital than at home for the year. She ended up having severe nausea, hair loss, mucositis ( severe inflamation, burns of the mucal membranes) ie nose throat, and ummm every where else. I remember her talking about walking around the nurses station so many laps which equaled a mile. during her actual transplant time, she spent a LONG time in the hospital, getting more chemo and more radiation...... and she wasn't allowed out of her room.....so she had a stationary bike in there to exercise. Her Goal was to participate in the San Diago marathon to benifit the Luekeimia Society. She never strayed from her goal.. This woman's journal is so funny, so optimistic, and just so unbelievable.... she never lost hope, and even when given bad news ........kept her hopes alive. She learned to knit, and she did her walking to get her body ready for the marathon. she set small goals ... like to get out of the hospital for Thanksgiving, home for her husbands birthday...... and her final mini goal was to make it to her hometown for Christmas. (she lived in my area, but moved to the other side of the state)........ She did make it back to her childhood home for Christmas..... i should mention, she had problems with fluid in her lungs prior to Christmas time. She ended up in a hospital in this area, The luekemia cells were attacking her lungs. So Christmas day she did enjoy with her family....... ended up in the hospital for it though (her husband kept updating her journal for her).... On December 28th she was sent back to her childhood home...........on that day, she died surrounded by friends and family.....
.... needless to say, i was crying........ and i took time to evaluate my life.... I have a healthy body. and i do not take care of it, I waste time, not living it to the fullest..... i wish i could explain the impact that this woman had on me......... i guess the best way is to give you the exert out of my journal beside my bed..................

JANUARY 3, 2007

........Melody, a stranger whom i never met, who's life made such an impact on me, on this day! My sister in Christ, a Warrior for God, and an Angel for mankind. She fought a battle with cancer, and you know what?.......... SHE WON, ..... yes her body lost, but her heart, spirit and soul stands in victory. I am sure she had down days, but she was full of hope and optimisim, she didn't let bitterness, anger and pitty consume her. I never met her, but this is what i got from reading her journal. I sobbed in shame today, here i am down because of a little setback with recent foot surgery. Shame on Me, Melody obviously walked her journey with great poise and dignity. Reading her journal was a life changing moment for me. I am unhealthy, overweight, and have an excuse for everything. I used to hike so much.... My goal is to work back up to a 10 mile hike in honor of this beautiful stranger. Jesus, please give Melody this message from me, and thank her for sharing her journey.........


Well i got a lot of work to do, Curves next week and building up the strength in foot to begin hiking..... it's a slow process,.. but that doesnt mean i can't do my yoga again, and curves... and feed my body right........... that i can do with a bad foot right....... So when you here for Melody in my blog......... you'll understand. I did set a goal many short term, but the long term goal is to have made drastic health changes..... and even that hike before December 28th, the date that Melody officially became an angel

for those who would like the site to melody's journal... please email me at husky170@comcast.net
i don't want to post it for the world to see........ who know's if there are any crazy's out there......reading this.......

tomorrow i will let you know my plans of change, and my short term, and long term goals.
love and blessing to all

where in the he** have i been

well i am here, you know i do journal, but it's the old fashion way........beside my bed, with one of those antique thingies, you know, the Pen. I should keep this updated too, and i guess i will try. Alot has been going on these past two months, On December 8th i had foot surgery, and it was pretty major.. alot of cutting and manipulating the tendons and the nerves. I spent 14 days absolutely not using my foot. and then i spent 28 days with minimal weightbearing..... And then i ended up getting an absess near the operation site, ........long story short, and 6 weeks later..... infection is cleared, and there is improvement with the nerve damage i was having before surgery. Bad thing is they had to put me on high doses of steroids...... yuck i hate those!!! Steroids suppress the immune system.. so almost a month ago, i ended up getting a major upper respiratory infection, sore throat, that settled into my lungs..... those damn steroids. so i spent 3 weeks following in Patti's footsteps with a cough and sore throat that kept me awake for many nights.... cough medicine, and antibiotics, and throat losanges, and yes Vineger and salt water gargles (Thanks Patti) I am finally able to sleep, but on monday i took my daughter to the doctors for a check up, and the doctor put me on the table, didn't like how i was coughing and breathing.........go figure i have acute bronchial asthma, (lung inflamation) on a very strong antibiotic now, proventil inhalor, and guess what...... get this, i have to take another round of steroids to decrease the lung inflamation.... tell me if this is a vicious circle...... I hate modern medical treatment......... I am drinking fluids, eating lean protein, fruits and veggies, i now take some extra C and Zinc. BUT i do see the light at the end of the tunnel,

The GREAT news is , well i've been dealing with this foot injury for 9 months, and it has been pretty serious, haven't been able to use this foot for a good 6 months.. I have the body type that NEEDs exercise to stay healthy...... and my exercise of choice is hiking in the great out doors. Gosh i miss that..... WEll i can't do that yet..... but as of Feb 1st i am cleared to go to Curves and begin training to start taking these many extra pound off.... My appetite has been non excistent since mid december, i am truly eating to live right now, and my portions have decreased so much....... so as i put the other peices of the puzzle together, things should become clearer. It's funny though, I don't feel depressed on anxious to get the weigh back to were i was a year ago. I am who i am, and i am happy with me..... I do feel as the weight comes off, my foot will have less stress on it, and my immune system will naturally increase. IT's a life, not a diet it's all about smart choices not eating cardboard rice cakes, or diet oreo cookies. it's about planning and living, playing and living, eating and living.

I am so excited and looking forward to seeing Patti, and Kim and Monica....... i am totally relaxed and at peace, it's about the spirit and friendship,....... laughter and shared memories.. not about who is thinner, or heavier, or wealthier, or any of that superfical stuff. I think for true health and fitness of the body...... the soul has got to get straightened first. and the spirit has to be released. I used to say........... i want to loose weight so that I could soar with the eagles........ that's a crock of crap...........you know why....... my spirit is weightless........ therefore i AM SOARING WITH THE EAGLES....... now my body can follow

Well i gotta get going, lots of meds and treatments and house work to take care of. Remind me to tell you about the most amazing story i read about a woman's journey with cancer...... her family lives near me.. but i did not know this woman. her story was life changing for me.... And was a big part of my attitude change over a month ago..... you can read her story on the web. she is an amazing amazing woman...... and i am ashamed of the excuses i've made in life, and i am ashamed that i wasted time........"sweating all the small stuff"

i'll talk about "Melody's Journey" tomorrow.

God Bless My friends