Friday, April 28, 2006

Stop this world so I can get off :)

my life is spinning right now. so fast......... I am taking deep breaths, I am trying to calm my spirit.... I am trying to grip the robe of my Father, anything to find peace... This vortex that i am in..... not sure what direction to take. I am just getting on my feet. i've kept it quiet, but hubby's job is possibly going to go on strike on may 12th, so i scheduled myself to work 3 jobs and many hours, there is a block of time in may where May 11th i am doing 16hours. go home sleep a few, and next day do another 16 hours, sleep a few, and then do 3 days 8 hour shifts , that doesnt count taking care of a house, and 4 children. Also the major thing going on here is my In laws. what a mess, they are getting abused by their youngest child who is a heroin addict. he stole everything they own.....everything. mom is in the hospital now... he's abused them terribly, and refuses to leave.... police are involved, social worker involved, ect. this situation is so messy, that words can't even discribe it. well, Bills mom will be released from the hospital tomorrow. she is coming to my home as well as prob Bills dad. i am so worried, I need the strength of God to see me thru this.... i feel that we are here on earth to take care of one another, And that God never puts Us in a situation that we can't learn or benifit from. My faith leads me to beleive that everything happens for a purpose....So i am trying to seek calm, and peace....... maybe i'll go up on my mountain tomorrow and meditate...... and be still.........and know that He is God

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

See the old pattern starting

I gotta learn to say the biggest most difficult word in the human language. hmmm, what word is that I say,........It's the big "NO" I am just getting on my feet and already, all three jobs are asking for more time. My hubby finally put his foot down, after being scheduled the three jobs in 2 days dealing with 3 shifts....... Making me unable to sleep for 48hrs, ... I must agree with him, I am focusing on me, and how I need to heal my body. I need to learn how to say no, its just there is such a shortage of nurses, that when I say No, someone else has to say yes or do double shifts, I can't worry about that......
I am enjoying the hiking on a regular basis, I can't believe I left it on the back burner for so long. My husband goes with me every evening.... And that is nice too.
This is a very hectic week, Son Andrew has some problems that are going to need major surgery, Katie is busy in track, Sam is busy with baseball, Corey with just trying to keep afloat in school. Working at the School district , working at the Boys Boarding school, working my home health case. Where do I fit me in again? I am overwhelmed right now just thinking about it. I have a doctor appointment today at 2pm, I have a meeting with the foster parenting agency at 4pm, Andrew is scheduled for a CT scan at 7pm. I need to prepare dinner, do the boys bed clothes, clean the house, shower..........gee.

I need to breath, take a moment to focus, take a moment to appreciate my life, and all that is good in it......
breath in...........................................breath out..................................................................breath in..........................................breath out

Friday, April 21, 2006

Why Worry, it doesn't help ...

Well, it's a little after 9am and i've been out for my morning hike with my dogs Juneau and Sadie. Plans were for Bill and I to go this evening around 7ish after Katies track meet. However, Mother Nature plans on some thunder/lightning/rain this evening, so why take the chance of me not being able to go. Now don't get me wrong, I hike in the snow, the freezing cold, ultra humid, BUT I do not hike during thunder and lightning. It's so hard to believe, about a month ago, I was truly bedridden, this week I've hikes 18 miles. I think I am back :O), I haven't missed a day yet.
My youngest Son Sam, is having problems sleeping, he started this when I was really ill, He thinks too hard sometimes, And I worry, every ache and pain, he worries he's going to die, he worries that we are going to send our Foster Son away, he worries that gas prices will go too high, and we won't be able to get food.......... , He worries that mom's illness will come back... He worries too much, I must say I was like that as a child, but then it was Nuclear War with Russia, ect. I overcame it. I try to teach him to trust in God, and enjoy life. That is my motto. If I let my self think too much, about our corrupt society, the gas prices, inflation, corrupt politicians, crime, I'd go crazy. I've since learned, worrying isn't going to change a thing, and ultimately "God is in Control" and when the world seems so crazy, and hopeless, my soul is at peace, and for me hope is eternal . I have a motto that is in my CK signature line....

I CAN'T CHANGE MY PAST, SO I WON'T DWELL ON IT, AND I CAN'T KNOW WHAT MY FUTURE HOLDS... SO I WON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. BUT, TODAY THIS MOMENT I AM ALIVE.. AND FOR THIS I WILL REJOICE

what a quote to live by :)

well I need to go prepare my dinner for tonight, I will cut up in huge chunks , zucchini, squash,green peppers, red peppers, onions, mushrooms and cherry tomatoes, and chunks or raw chicken breast, put it in a ziplock bag with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and herbs, and let it marinate for a few hours... Then I grill it......... it is so delicious. And so healthy for me, all I drink now is water nothing else, and for desert I will have fresh cut pineapples, kiwi, and mango
doesn't get better than that for a dinner,

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Prozac.........

the kids spring break is over, all back to school today. I love having the kids home, but i must say sometimes I so enjoy a day of "ME".
I've been hiking regularly again, and it feels so good...... Hiking isn't just a physical exercise for me, but it's a spiritual/soulful medicine for me too........ like natures "Prozac". Bill and I go every evening, rain or shine. Today is a beautiful day, so I am looking forward to it. finishing up the first of four weeks of my clensing/detoxing phase, must admit, I am feeling pretty good. had an appointment yesterday with my homopathic nutritionist. He was pleased with my progress. It's a long process, and i am just taking one step at a time....... but i must say this was a big step. Speaking of Prozac, doctors are so quick to order it now, sometimes too quick. Don't get me wrong, some people need it, But still too many people get put on it for every little trauma or road block in their lives. I remember years ago, when my first husband and father of my kids left me...... i was devastated, couldn't eat, sleep, ...it was such a painful experience. My doctor immediately wanted to put me on a medication like "Celexa". i took one pill, felt doped up for a day, and threw the rest down the toilet. I learned, that it was okay for me to feel the pain, and actually healthy for me to work thru it. which I ended up doing quite well. Actually i guess i can't take all the credit.... My faith in God sure carried me through that dark journey.. Now i find if I am absolutely going crazy, some "ME" time, up on the side of my little mountain... is medication enough.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

The True meaning of Detoxing Your body

I think sometimes when people here about clensing or detoxing the body they think that it has some form of witchcraft meaning or something. And besides eating the heads off of 3 poisonous snakes every morning, and drinking the blood of an African bat...... I just don't see where they get that idea.......... please, know that i am joking :) No seriously, as i mentioned before I had been really ill for several months. My doctors kept putting me on antibiotics and steroids, I didn't get better so more antibiotics and more steroids. I couldn't breath right, so they put me on albuteral breathing treatments. that caused my heartrate to shoot up, so the gave me some type of heart medication to bring the heart rate down...... well i had side effects for that medicine, so they gave me another medication to help with those side effects....which inturn caused more side effects....... you get the picture. So four months later, and a week in the hospital..... I truly didn't feel much better......... I was still on antibiotics.....and high doses of steroids, as well as many many other medications. I had enough, I later found out my 11 year old son Sammy, who didn't leave my side........even slept on the floor in my bedroom during the last six weeks of my illness, did it because he thought i was going to die....... and he wanted to keep an eye on me. I will not let my son live in that kind of fear ever again.....if i can help it. With my doctors permission...... I stopped all medications ( had to taper the steroids of course) And decided to see a homopathic nutritionist. well after bloodwork and such, It was found out that i actually had an accute fungal infection in my blood... (but of course, all the good bacteria in my body was killed off by months of intense antibiotic therapy), my liver had been overworked trying to metabolize all the drugs, I was truly poisoning myself inside. my diet was terrible, sugary and anything quick, and processed. I immediately began probiotic therapy.....which basicly adds the good bacteria to my body. as well as the proper enzymes that i needed for digestion. And now i am on the clensing or detoxification process.................. NO i do not eat snake heads..... what i do though, is I eat fresh fruits and veggies, take a very strong vitamin and a special protein drink to keep my body going ....... I can have rice based breads or "rice cereals". this diet requires to take away everything that you could be allergic to. milk products, peanuts, wheat, gluten, ects.
..... don't worry, over the 28 day process, some of these things are slowly added back, one at a time, so the body can be monitored for a possible allergic reaction after the first few day's I eat chicken, and fish, but still ton's of veggies and fruits, I can also eat certain nuts, almonds, walnuts ects.... and certain fats like olive oils, alvocodo's, ect. I have to drink ton's of water, and i mean tons of water, it helps to flush out the toxins in my body........ I am under both my doctors care, as well as my nutritionist, so medical and homopathic have sorta come together. Also my original illness stemed back from years of sinus infections, i have a constant sinus problem, and a continuous post nasal drip........ well gee, nobody ever told me that dairy can cause this in some people.. I am the queen of dairy prob have easy 15 servings a day........ gee i'd eat a piece of cheese everytime i walked out to my kitchen. well i have been pretty much dairy freee for 4 weeks now...... and my sinus drainage has decreased by 70%. in the past 8 years, i have had major problems, and surgeries to remove fluid abcesses...........and nobody told me about a possible dairy allergy ......go figure. So that is my detox program in a nutshell,

well it's 8:30am here, and the kids are starting to wake up, so i guess i should start to move too. One son has a friend over, one son is at a friends, daughter going to track practice, and young son will be having a friend come over later....... this is my life

Monday, April 17, 2006

My Journey......My life

My Journey, hmmmmm, where do I begin? I would like to start "blogging" again. A few months ago I had a real health scare, a major wake up call to say the least. I ended up with a lung infection, that lasted almost 4 months. I realized by not putting me first........ i was actually not much help to my kids. a 38 year old should NOT be bedriddened for six weeks. This all started in June of last year...... We decided to take extensive classes to become foster parents, and then i got offered 3 jobs.... so i found myself so busy..... i stopped hiking, stopped eating right, stopped taking care of me......... NO Whining, NO excuses, I am accountable for my actions, noone else is to blame. Getting so sick, really woke me up...... So for the past few weeks I've made it a point.....To bring "ME" back. And I can't tell you how happy I am... I missed my hiking more than anything...... I love my world, I love the outdoors, the animals, the river, the lone eagle.... I missed my time talking with God, I missed my little mountain :). And I missed writing about my journey..... so this is yet another part that I am taking back for me