Sandi...........stop your whining

yesterday I left home for a job at 5:30 am, returned at 11:00 pm...... started out today leaving for work at 6:30 am, and will return tonight at midnight......... i am so tired, but loving and appriciating my family so much....going thru this makes me so proud of my kids....... they are picking up the slack at home. and they are helping with the "grandparents". Wow i am overwhelmed to know that I am raising loving, caring, selfless human beings. my Children are my greatest accomplishment in life. for my birthday they went together and got me a beautiful weeping willow cherry blossom tree, they are beautiful trees.

Yesterday was my son Coreys one year anniversary with Us, he's doing well. And I truly beleive after a life time of heartache, and moving from foster home to foster home, Corey finally feels like he belongs, He knows that I love him, and just because he isn't perfect, I unconditonally love him......Corey my beautiful boy........... welcome home!!!!

I am here at work right now....... I work as a school nurse at a boys boarding school. beleive it or not........... i really like this age.... go figure i enjoy teenagers.

my last several blogs have been overwhelming,.......... and to be honest, I was completely overwhelmed, and hanging on by the edge......... I have the possibility of my husband going on stike this week, (there is a good chance), I am taking care of my two fragile in law parents, because of the strike, i am working 3 jobs, with taking care of my mother in law (who needs bathed, medications given, oxygen, proper nutrition,) I am easily working 18 hour days some days. my son goes in for surgery next tuesday..........I have No right to complain or whine, or worry.... I spoke with God, He knows what I am capable of. and I need to trust Him that all will be right. How Lucky i am, i have these jobs to fall back on if my husband strikes, making the same income as he brought in. there are others that do not have that luxury, I love my jobs and the people i meet, just another blessing. it's wonderful to help my in laws slowly dig out of the hole they put themselves in. Our family is getting to know them on another level. My children are learning about compassion and caring for others. Wow, aren't i lucky that we can financially take care of them right now, gee, how lucky i am to have the room and means to take care of them, since redoing our home......we added 2000sq feet more of living space....

I am blessed that my son's problem is fixable, there are many out there who's children can't be fixed......

I am blessed with a husband that goes out of his way to make my life easier, who's the greatest step father in the world. who puts my needs before his....

I am blessed with my four children, Katie , Drew, Corey, and Sam.

I am blessed with jobs that i love. that i didn't ask for, or apply for.... but that God thought I should have.

I am blessed to have a Father and Savior who loves me unconditionally, even when i get snotty with Him.

I am blessed with a beautiful home, filled with love and laughter ( um, most of the time )

I am blessed with an X Husband, who is the father of my kids, for being such a great dad.

I am blessed that my Husband and X husband get along so well, for my childrens sake

I am blessed with optimisum...

I am blessed with wonderful friends


Father, You have blessed me so much....... I need to trust you more. yes my situation is "overwheming" right now........ but thank you, for carrying me through it.

39 years old today

Where does the time go? Yesterday I was a little girl, no worries living with my mom and dad, they are both gone now........... And I have a family of my own. I hope that when my daughter and sons are this age.........That at least I am alive. That way, they won't get this lonely feeling that I so often feel. I miss my mom so much, she's been gone six years, she was an awesome lady, I could have still learned from her. Daddies been gone 12 years. They both died so young. Today is my only day off in between a 10 day stretch, tomorrow is the 18 hour work day, and Friday is the 16 hour work day....... My son's surgery is next Tuesday........ I will prob crash with him. My in laws are here, and they keep me very busy, I don't see them getting out for another month. I think my father in law, even with his occasional confused mind, is more deeply involved with the drug dealing business with his heroine addicted excuse for a human being son. I will NOT tolerate any behavior, even so much as a phone call at my house. It was too weird last night.... At 11:oo pm, he gets a call, and "someone comes to visit him," in a huge rental center truck........ To "drop off" money. And just say hi.......... ummmmmm, yeah right, someone 25 miles away, just had to stop in. You know how some people just know, that something is going on............ That's me, I hate it, but I know things, too well sometimes.... It's a skill of just reading people and feeling the situation. My poor invalid mother in law..... She is too ill, and has no control....... She new something went on, and she told me as much after the fact, she was just shocked that I picked up on it. Dang it man, this will not occur around my children in my house.
now I gotta let aging protective services in on it......... So my father in law can be investigated too. Mom told me a lot about his involvement. How he takes the son to pick up the "stuff" and all that crap..........
oh well, kids are getting up, and my day is going to be busy........So I'll talk to you all later.

Bit off more than I can chew........

It's 3am in Pa. I can't sleep, I can't think......Or maybe I am thinking too much. I am so overwhelmed right now........ Working 18 hour day's, trying to keep the asshole drug addicted brother in law away from the invalid parents...... trying to deal with co-dependent parents.......Who enable this bastard to continue, I don't need this, I don't need this.... I am doing everything to help these slightly confused people, they just don't get it., Ultimatum tomorrow morning, me or the drug addict. As long as they are under my roof, they give me their cell phone that they use to continue talking to him, as he manipulates them into giving him money. I take them back to the hell hole I pulled them out of....... And call protective services, and aging services to do their job. This excuse for a human being, has stole from them, abused them, kept them from food, took all of mother in laws insulin needles for heroine.... And now they are talking maybe the can just give him a couple hundred dollars a month, and cigarettes and food. bull shit........... my stomach is in knots, my head hurts....... I just worked 15 hours got home at midnight...... And I can't sleep.... I can't even find peace in my Father......... I can't even pray. I am begging God to just "hold" me, so I can rest tonight........ maybe writing this will help get it off of my chest........ gee, I am swearing like a sailor :) ........ Well maybe I'll try bed 1 more time

Son needs surgery :(

Well well Well.........My life is still spinning, and I am trying so hard to gain some sorta control. My elderly inlaws will be living with us for a while, they are really sweet people, but need a lot of help, esp. My mother in law. I need to find my home again, as all of their belongings need a place. I am working ton's of hours..... And to top it off, my 14 year old son who has had sinus infections and problems breathing thru his nose for years. Will be needing surgery. I've taken him to his pediatrician over and over again, he's been to specialist, two years ago, one of the specialist noted that he had a deviated septum, but said it prob should be repaired only after he finishes growing....... Fast forward two years, his headaches are more frequent, his infections are more frequent, hasn't breathed thru his nose for years. Take him to my ENT (ears,nose throat) specialist...... He looks up his nose, his septum is deviated almost completely.. Can't see up the nasal canal, so.............Finally the smart thing to do is................Lets do a CAT scan to see what is up there......... FINALLY someone is going to see what's going on.... So, we go to the doctors yesterday, he asks my x husband and I to sit down........ And says the good news is............"It's really really bad" my heart just stopped... He said that it's so bad, that my son is really going to notice it when he fixes it.... Not only does my son's septum deviate and completely blocks the nostrils...... He has many many pulups growning in his sinus cavities, so many in fact, that there is no "empty" spaces. no wonder, he's been getting dizzy, the pressure in his face/ head must be terrible. I feel like i've failed him as a mother, he's been like this for years. I just should have pushed for more........ I just thought the specialist new what they were doing..... :0( oh well, can't change it now.........shhhhh, he doesn't know it yet, but this would be the perfect time to ask for an XBOX 360, mommy is feeling pretty guilty, she just might buy him anything :) thank godness he isn't driving age yet..
well, busy day today, must take my father in law to court hearing he was supeona'd for, dealing with his heroine addicted son. find my home, go to Katies track meet, go to sams baseball game
............

UP IN SMOKE>>>>>>

I made plans to concentrate on me, put me first........ well, I know that God is full of humor.... because for a while, that ain't gonna happen. In a blink of an eye, my life has done another dramatic turn. I now have two elderly human beings living with me. I picked up Bill's mother in law from the hospital on Sat. His dad has been living with Us since Friday. they have been extreamely abused by their youngest 26 year old heroine addict son. they had been renting a small home from their daughter, I went there Sunday. the conditions were the worst that I 've seen. garbage, food, mold, animal feces, a commode filled with "crap" not able to flush, a smell that made me want to puke. No food in the house but an old box of rice crispy cereal. I cried!
this hospital had discharged my mother in law......to this, Not gonna happen. She's here now, He's here now. they have to get up on my priority list. Mom is not well..... I will not have her final days on this earth, in this mess. My husband is going to take over the finances so that her selfish evil other children cannot get a hold of them. The daughter is upset, because she said she NEEDS their money to pay her own morgage. She is mad at me for stepping in. She didn't care her parents went 4 days without any food last month, had none this month, she didn't care they were getting yelled at ,and pushed and bullied, and hit. she didn't care that mom was unable to shower, or wash clothes or clean the house....... she wanted their money... what do they think we did this for "fun". yes, i have three jobs. 4 kids going in every direction, getting over an illness that "knocked me out for a few months, have spent 142 dollars for my in laws, in serenity pads, and hemmoroid pads......and food, and medication ect in the 48 hours since the lived here, have washed their clothing, bathed my mother in law, ...... My husbands family......oh my, what did I get myself into when i married that precious man. :O). last night the brother in law, married to the daughter that is the slum lord, called here last night, needed to talk to Bills' dad. Bill told him, to please not bring up anything stressful, because both parents are overwhelmed.. Soon as he got on the phone he began to harass my inlaws, about money. can you beleive it. these people are at the brink of a nervous break down.......and this "Godly, Christian Man.... did this. , you can't get any lower than that. ...... oh dear, this is so overwhelming............ let me tell you though, i have the most awesome kids in the world. they have been wonderful, and think it's fine that bills parents are moving in.... katie helped with their laundry, corey makes them coffee, and always checks if they "need" something........it's all been wonderful that way...... I think my kids are going to be okay in this world.
well it's 6:30 am. i have a lot to do before i go to work on the evening shift tonight.... for those that pray.......please keep this in mind, for those that send good vibes, send them on.